Listen.&Stay a while.
I am so fucking scared for the future that I am beyond scared to face the present.
I don’t know how I feel about her
Her …. it’s weird it’s never been a her before it’s only been a him
But she’s exactly like a boy , her personality is what I enjoy the most
She understands me so well , my sarcasm she deals with my weirdness she goes along with , no one has ever done that before.
She shows so many signs and I reciprocate .
She just took a break with her girlfriend this week.
She’s coming over monday…….
I wonder where all of this will lead.
He ruined my entire summer. He led me on we had a fight he apologized numerous amounts of times and I forgave him. I regret that so badly. My birthday was the best day of the summer lunch with my mom and then a surprise party thrown by all of my best friends there was a cake my one wish …to see him… I could have wasted the wish on anything else , but i wasted it on him and it came true. around an hour later one of my friends pulled me into the bathroom and told me to stay put with her I didn’t understand why then minutes later we come out and he’s there with a bouquet of roses hugging me. I didn’t understand….wishes they ..they just don’t come true but on this day it did. we then left her house and everyone was pushing me to speak to him so we did on the way to the grocery , when we got there his friends were there , he was saying they would tag along to the beach…. in the end nor him or his friends showed to the beach. Even more pathetically I continued to speak to him day after day over text or whatnot…. in person he never was the same as he was back in june …..I miss the day we went to the party jun12 I was an emotional wreck but you sat with me outside letting me cry on you and in your car holding my hand while i half slept half stayed awake wishing the moment would not ever end. Around 1.am you brought me home and we kissed our last kiss. I miss it I miss you. But what you did to me was heartless. I hate being a pathetic winy girl , god how much I fucking hate that and this friday at the party… you shouldn’t have had even been there.. inches away talking to everyone but you ,wanting no one else but you. You left and I looked at the time shit basically 12 my dad would kill me for coming home at this time …. too much time wasting taking the bus & the train…. a cab I could but the option of using you seemed easier so I did. Biggest mistake # 2 of the summer . Drunkenly sitting in the back listening to you converse with your friend….ignore me. I deserve better..you don’t deserve anyone as genuine as me. This is not a heartbreak this is just a distant memory I write about this because you showed me that each person passing through our lives has a purpose. You showed me to not give people so many chances god knows I gave you about 12 of them , you showed me to not let people in so kindly and you showed me that sticking to one thing at a time is best. I don’t know what could have been but at the moment I’m going to move forward and I’m sorry but there will be no more chances from me. 8.7.11
How brave someone must be to end their own life. See I fucking try but then my imagination gets the best of me.
everybody should reblog this :)
(Source: buytumblrclothes, via ifinallyfoundit)
So I just asked my mom to take me to a doctor for depression and she said no. She said god would help me through it…… are you a fucking idiot. Yes some unknown man from the fucking sky will come down here and solve all my fucking problems and anxieties. She then said let me pray for you. I said no she said please. I said no and walked out of the room.
So I guess me attempting suicide a few times is no big deal. Me walking around with dreadful thoughts around me is no big deal. When people ask me what I want to be I think how should I fucking know. I was not made to be here in all honesty. I’m good at nothing, I fuck everything up as soon as anything even happens. I fuck school up. I fucking hate “friends” which in all honestly lets fucking face it we really have no friends. No one gives a shit about each other. Money , Clothes , War , Killing…lets face it it’s more important the love we desire to find from everyone throughout our lives.
I have to walk around with a fucking smile plastered on my face every fucking day because I can’t fucking face death. I am pathetic . I think oh they’ll miss me I’m such a difference in their life. No actually I am not. I will be forgotten soon and I won’t be remembered after my pathetic existence because lets face it I’m not fucking lady gaga.
